A Healing Journey, Part II, The Destination

Author’s note: This is the second in a series of four articles about emotional healing. If you didn’t have an opportunity to read Part I, you may want to read it by clicking here.

In the first article, the topic of emotional healing was described as a journey, one which we must plot ourselves. Sometimes, we can call on people to help us like a therapist or mentor, but it’s important to remember that this is our own journey, and no one should ever demand that you follow their directions implicitly. You and only you are responsible for every step of this journey.

It’s also important to be mindful that there will be many deviations along the way. This doesn’t suggest that your plans are failing; it’s rather an indication that you are becoming more aware of how the healing process works.

When we want to go some place but are not sure how to get there, we enter the address into our GPS, and we’re fairly confident that it will take us to the right location. But how do we know where the “destination” is for emotional healing? There is no physical location. It’s more of an emotional state of mind. So, how do we know when or if we’ve arrived?

If we were to try to imagine where that emotional state would be, it makes sense that healing would mean we no longer feel any painful effects from the situation or circumstance that originally created all our mental anguish. If all the shame, embarrassment, and negative emotions we had been suffering were suddenly gone along with all its residual effects, that sounds like everything we would want from emotional healing. How do we get directions to that place from our mental GPS? That would be a miracle. However, emotional healing doesn’t erase the past. Nor can it change it. Healing, though, should take us to a place where we can overcome the pain and learn to thrive.

To help us better understand how emotional healing works, let us compare some of the similarities it has to physical healing.

If we accidentally stick ourselves with a pin or get a paper cut, they both will cause pain. However, in a few days, the soreness subsides and eventually, there is no more evidence of the original wound. The wound has healed.

Some wounds are deeper and require stitches, or perhaps we’ve broken a bone. These kinds of injuries typically require the help of a medical professional to ensure proper healing occurs.

In extreme cases like third degree burns or an amputation, intensive medical care is required. There may be considerable long-term care for proper healing. The more severe the injury is, the more likely it will drastically transform our life moving forward.

Emotional wounds have similar outcomes. Some are like paper cuts, and they have no lasting effects. Others may leave scars, which will always remind us of the original wound. Some are so severe that their impact will change nearly everything for the rest of our lives. But no matter how atrocious your original injury may be, I believe it is possible to heal any and all of our emotional wounds. Remember, some people have suffered unimaginable injuries, but through incredible determination have not only overcome them but they continue to thrive.

The one thing that emotional wounds don’t have that most physical injuries do is some kind of visible or tangible evidence of the wound. In most cases, physical wounds can be seen or felt and seeing or feeling them getting better is a sign that they are healing. With emotional injuries, the damage is psychological and it can be confusing or too cloudy for us to know if healing has occurred.

Sometimes we believe that if we simply ignore, dismiss, or forget about these traumas it is an effective way to cope with them. While this may create some short-term relief, it is only a temporary “band-aid” so to speak. Ultimately, we must try to get to a place where these difficulties no longer trigger us or become stumbling blocks in our lives, but they are now steppingstones to a stronger, more confident person. That is truly the goal we are trying to reach. The destination where we want to be.

Emotional healing happens in our mind, our psyche, our inner unseen self. The foundation of which is based on a belief or faith that healing has occurred. It’s why measuring progress with our emotional healing is problematic. It’s based on the fact that we know it has happened. The knowing that we have experienced the calmness or assuredness, and that we are in a better place. Although there might be times when we may question it, we must return to that place where we once again are confident in the healing that we’ve experienced.

One way to help us maintain that confidence is through validation. While we can reassure ourselves, it’s often extremely helpful when we hear positive words from others, especially from those whom we respect, it really boosts our belief in ourselves. Ultimately, we need to keep our mindset strong, but validation from others can be one of the keys to that success. With little or no validation, that can also mean there’s a possibility of losing some or all of the original healing.

The ability to sustain the healing process is another reason why I call it a journey. The longer we go believing that healing has occurred, the better equipped we are to continue to heal many of our emotional wounds and eventually grow from those past traumas. Effective emotional healing leads to us developing as individuals. We become more aware of ourselves, more passionate, more forgiving, more empathetic, and many other traits that are congruent with emotional wellness. Strangely, there are moments along this journey where we may not be sure if we are healing or growing because they have become so intertwined. But the good news is that it doesn’t matter. As long as your intentions on this journey are to become the best version of yourself, that shows you are headed in the right direction.

There is no doubt that healing our emotional wounds is a positive step in living a full and productive life. But how do we heal? How does the healing process begin? Many of our emotional wounds were caused by others and not self-inflicted. How do we heal from something that wasn’t our fault and never should have happened in the first place. This sounds like the perfect place to begin for the next article.

I want to thank all of you who have been following along on this road to emotionally healing. Please feel free to leave a comment or even a question. It’s not an easy thing for most people to talk about and the deeper the wound, the harder it is to revisit much less verbalize.

If you’d like to work with me personally, I’m thrilled and privileged to help. You can always email me at jdunia@gcegroup.net. Thank you, and I’ll see you soon.