A Healing Journey, Part III, The Healing Process

Author’s note: This is the third in a series of four articles about emotional healing. It is recommended that you read Parts I & II by clicking here.

As we continue on our healing journey, the actual healing process becomes the first true destination. For me, nothing was more important than the moment I began to heal from my past emotional struggles and traumas.

At first, I was stunned that it took me until my mid-fifties to truly understand what this process was. Why did it take me so long to learn something so vital to my existence? But after searching for others who taught or wrote about emotional healing, I found very little—and much of what I did find was vague and not helpful.

Through my own writing and observation, I came to understand that the healing process is complex and individualized. There is no one-size-fits-all remedy. While there may be common elements, each one of us must chart this path ourselves. In many ways, our journey is about preparing ourselves mentally and emotionally before the healing can even begin.

No one has lived the exact life you have lived, and because of that, no exact roadmap exists for you to follow.

At first, it was perplexing that so little had been written about something so essential. But over time, it began to make sense.

Emotional healing is highly individualized, and offering generalized solutions can sometimes create confusion or even lead someone in the wrong direction. I take this responsibility seriously. It is important to me that I do not mislead or recommend beliefs, opinions, or recommendations that might interfere with someone’s ability to truly heal.

But just as physical injuries may require different treatments for different people, emotional wounds also require different approaches to heal properly. What works for one person may not work for another, because each wound is shaped by a unique set of circumstances.

If it were possible to use my own experience as a universal guide for everyone’s healing process, life would be much easier. But the best I can offer is insight—something that may help you better understand your own journey.

What Is an Emotional Wound?

Most people have experienced one, but few truly understand the kind of damage that occurred. We recognize the symptoms—anxiety, distress, sorrow, shame, and feelings of unworthiness—but what these wounds ultimately do is far deeper.

They change the way we think, feel, and believe about ourselves.

They alter our self-perception.

Most emotional injuries involve some form of abuse—whether from others or even self-imposed. What determines the depth of the wound is how strongly it shapes our negative self-image, and how long we remain in that state of suffering.

For me, shame was my greatest enemy.

The most destructive weapon shame has is this: it convinces us that we are the negative things we’ve been told or have come to believe about ourselves.

We are unworthy.

We are unlovable.

We are incapable.

And once we accept these as truth, they become facts in our minds.

And when something feels like a fact, it becomes very difficult to change.

Each new negative experience then reinforces this belief. It becomes a confirmation. A pattern. A permanent identity.

This is the true damage of an emotional wound.

How Do We Begin to Heal?

What is the magical elixir to alleviate the pain?

The first step is to begin changing those self-destructive beliefs that we’ve believed about ourselves for perhaps most of our lives. The simplest way to change those old beliefs is to begin with self-forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness is where healing starts.

Forgive yourself for ever believing you were unworthy, unlovable, or incapable. Then begin to change the internal dialogue:

I am worthy.

I am lovable.

I am capable.

As you begin to change the way you think about yourself, you are applying the first layer of healing to the wound.

But like physical wounds, emotional healing does not happen instantly.

These beliefs may have been with you for years—perhaps decades. Self-forgiveness may feel unnatural or even impossible at first. But over time, it can begin to undo those deeply rooted beliefs—just as they were formed over time in the first place.

Sometimes I hear this:

“Why should I forgive myself? I wasn’t the one who abused me.”

That response is completely logical. This is where dealing with people individually helps me guide them based on their life experiences. However, a good place to start is by asking yourself, “Did you ever believe for one moment that you did something to deserve this?” If the answer is yes, then I recommend that person forgives themselves for ever thinking they did something to deserve it.

Again, these cases are complex and involve more insight into the circumstances behind the initial injuries, but it will likely involve some kind of self-forgiveness.

Forgiving oneself is the key to beginning the emotional healing process. It may seem far too simple—but it is powerful. It is the first step in changing how we see ourselves.

What Changes Can We Expect?

Emotional healing does not change what happened. It does not erase the past.

But it does change how we see ourselves moving forward—and that can transform our lives in ways we may never have thought possible.

That will be the focus of Part IV—the final step in this journey.

I want to thank you for following along. This is not easy work. The deeper the wound, the harder it is to revisit—let alone speak about.

If you have thoughts or questions, I welcome them.

And if you’d like to work with me personally, it would be my privilege to help.

You can reach me at: jdunia@gcegroup.net

Thank you—and I’ll see you in the final part of this journey.