“If there are no questions to ponder, then there are no answers to be sought”
In last week’s post, we discussed how the mirror was helpful in changing outward flaws and imperfections (click here to read it first). However, changing the inward, unseen faults is never an easy task. No one wakes up in the morning and looks forward to saying, “What sort of unpleasant failings and horrible flaws will I find out about myself today?” But many times when working towards personal growth, that’s exactly what we’re doing; uncovering those imperfections, correcting them, and creating a positive outcome so those old behaviors no longer hinder our growth. Although each of our journeys is different, we can learn from how others struggled to overcome and grow from their individual challenges.
One of the most beneficial techniques that aided my personal growth was learning to ask myself questions. However, I realized that many times, I was asking myself the wrong ones. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on altering our surroundings but simply changing our circumstances doesn’t ensure success. The growth really changed when I decided first to point the finger at me rather than blaming something or someone else. Allow me to explain.
One frequently repeated bit of advice is: “Get rid of the negative people in your life”. While it is constructive to be surrounded with positive support, what if getting rid of them only made room for other negative relationships because there was something within us that attracted them? Point the finger in the mirror and see if there is something we can change about ourselves. Perhaps we can work at being more kind or going out of our way to be helpful. There are many solutions but the point is to look at ourselves first. Besides, if a pessimistic or destructive demeanor is lurking within, those with positive energy won’t want to be around us no matter how much we beg them.
The good news is that it’s easier to fix ourselves rather than trying to change others. No doubt it’s more painful because we first must see those faults inside us but the reward always dwarfs any personal discomfort we may have experienced from the growth.
This is where a life coach, therapist, or other type of consultant can be beneficial. Asking these sorts of questions isn’t something we typically learn in school, at home, or on the job. But remember, no matter whom we enlist to help, it is ultimately up to us to determine if the right questions are being asked.
There’s only time to discuss one way of how the questions can be changed but if you have ever pointed the finger at yourself and asked, “what can I change about me?”, please feel free to write it in the comments. We can learn from the experience of others no matter where they are in the world and this is a great opportunity to share yours. Thank you and I always look forward to your comments.